If you want someone who will...
Do anything to please you, get a dog.
Bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.
Make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.
Eat whatever you put in front of him, get a dog.
Always be eager to go out at any time you ask, get a dog.
If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog.
Never touch the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.
Be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.
Never criticize anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, Get a DOG!
On the other hand...
If you want someone who: Never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and comes home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...